Chapter 05 – Exercise 17: Ask First, Act Second


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Post a comment or two in the box below about which:

  • personal and/or
  • professional boundaries
    • got stretched,
    • challenged
    • or dissolved

after completing Exercise 17: Ask First, Act Second.

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3 replies on “Chapter 05 – Exercise 17: Ask First, Act Second”

Exercise 17, Ask First, Act Second

Over the past few years I have been expressing myself honestly with family and friends. No matter what the reason I still find it uneasy to have difficult discussions. However, I still do it! If I care for someone deeply it hurts even more; which makes it more difficult. Exercise 17 showed me that if I’m feeling a certain way and it’s lingering, and not changing then I must have the conversation. It makes no sense to beat myself up over it, and feel guilty because I don’t want to hurt the person’s feeling. Even more to the point that it’s only fair that I let the person know how I feel, what happened and what my expectations are. How would they know if I don’t mention it. What ever the end result may be, the fact is I remain honest with myself.

I remember soul mentioning in the discussion about selfish. Letting others know politely (something I still need to work on. My communication at times can be harsh) what is going on, how you feel is not selfish. It is building Self Worth! Nothing to feel guilty about

What are your thoughts?

Exercise 17: Ask first, Act second

This exercise was a bit challenging for me from the professional and personal angle. I met the person that I have chosen for this exercise almost 7 years ago. I have always stayed in the background and not allowed myself to get to know her, mostly because of my self worth I was intimidated by her always together, in charge, positive, no BS attitude. She is a very guarded person and I feel that I need to take a little time to let her get to know me better, to realize my worth. I have started volunteering for the neighborhood group that she has organized. I think if she sees that I am a responsible, on time person that can be depended on, she will be more willing to get closer to me. One of the attributes that I admire in her is her networking abilities and how she can organize events so well. She founded the group of bodacious women that help many of the communities in the area get food to people who need it. Her group has become the distribution center and organizes provisions each month for Seaview, Leilani Estates, Nanawale, Kalapana, Kopoho and Black Sands. She has organized the coming together of so many different foods for these people it is unbelievable, truck loads of fresh produce, boxed foods, breakfast foods, even frozen meats. Many people that are house bound are so thankful to get a very nice heaping grocery bag each month delivered to their neighborhood.
My goal is to get to know this woman better and her network. She is a wonderful entrepreneur and a positive, spiritually guided person and I think we would both benefit in many aspects from getting to know each better. In the past this would have been a much bigger stretch for me, but now with my pumped up self esteem I believe that she will see the change in me and want to get to know me better.

Outstanding Cheryl! Inroads paved by genuine interest in another person’s cause provides countless ways to learn about each other. Many times, I discovered – after volunteering for a bit – that the person I thought I wanted to get to know – is far from the person I’d like in my circle. Why? More often than not, they’re blind to their levels of needing to control, manipulate, impose beliefs – all to maintain their sense of importance or power. I gain these insights by gently observing. I do what I’m asked. When asked to do more, I insert my own needs or desires before I affirm my ability to meet increased responsibilities. If my needs / desires are met with resistance, I allow that friction to guide me in how to gently back away – such that I do not leave others hanging.

Some select souls happen to notice that I faded away. When asked why, I respond with a gentle reminder that I seek balance in life. When my balance tips into imbalance, I ask for what I need to establish a new balance. If my request lacks a positive response, I release that which causes the imbalance.

Fascinating how those who actually listen to my ‘why’ – they slowly begin to recognize how imbalanced they are based on their desire to control, manipulate, etc.

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